I’m fairly sure my experience is by no means an exclusive one, but I’ve struggled to find anything online that summarised my experience in the church and the questions about faith and spirituality I find myself asking. So, logical conclusion, I decided to write it myself. I really just want to share my experiences and start an honest dialogue about the parts of church that don’t often get discussed. It really is surprising, the amount of shit that goes on in the name of God! My hope is that if you’re reading this and you’re looking for answers, this blog will help keep you company as you battle with the big questions. The ones that keep you up at night when the existential dread hits. I don’t have many answers but I’ve got a lot I’d like to discuss!

As for me?

My father is a preacher. His conversion story is a pretty incredible one, as far as they go, but for the sake of anonymity I won’t go into any more detail than that right now. I grew up in what you might call a conservative Christian household. My dad traveled all over the world to do meetings and tent missions and I often went with him. For the latter part of my childhood, we settled in the UK at a church my dad went on to become the pastor of. I was an incredibly involved member – I sang in the praise group, I spoke at youth meetings, I evangelised to all  my friends, heck – my commitment even extended as far as to date the youth pastor’s son. I was all in.

For me, things started to go pear shaped as I was leaving for uni – a convenient escape button – and once I left things started to fall apart for my family too. Things didn’t end too nicely and as I’m sure I’ll go into that at a later date *tune in next week to find out more!* 

None of us have any ties to said church anymore. My parents still go to a little church in the city, but I feel too disenchanted to join them. Growing up in church has shaped my views on pretty much everything in unexpected ways.

This blog is for anyone who has ever had a belief shaken, a trust broken or a seed of doubt they don’t think they can talk about. It’s time to get honest about what happens behind church doors and ask, where is God in the midst of the chaos?